December 2005

Right now I am sitting right over Canada on 33 000 feet above the ocean. I am flying back to Sweden to celebrate Christmas and New Years with my friends and family. It feels rather strange sitting at this altitude and blogging. I chatted with a Swedish friend today on MSN about just this strange fact and she said wow. I totally agree. Nevertheless before I will go to sleep (at least think of it) and try to shift the day rhythm someway back to Swedish standard time, I would like to write some few words on my feelings right this moment. I follow the tradition of many great bloggers, such as Mark Ahtisaari (even though he does not blog that often). His “Blogging over Las Vegas” is a great piece even though I like his reflections on slow art even better.

The United States of America is the best and worse country. They have it al – their problems, the diverse population people, but also the possibilities. Just as you think you understand it it will bite you in the ass. I just love it. I have talked to the CEO:s of world leading IT companies, seen the eyes of the homeless outside restlessly walking up and down University Avenue and seen the eyes of the black mother asking me for directions to the Child Emergency Recovery with his shot teenager son in the front seat. It surely is a strange country. It is a great country, and a bad country. Nevertheless I cannot stop loving it.

This blog should not turn into a political debate on the situation in the States or the nature of the States. However I could not stop myself as I think about the time in the States so far. Right now my thoughts are wondering on to the ten days I will spend in Sweden, but also to the spring and the events during the spring. Will I be jetlagged over my wildest imagination? How can it be that Christmas is already here? Most of all I however just feel a great exaltation about meeting everyone at home.
The suitcase is filled with presents, the head is filled with impressions, thoughts and experiences. I miss my mom and dad, I miss my siblings, I miss the family dog and my friends. It feels strange, but I will love coming home. Some days I have missed them like crazy. Today was really the first time I tried to connect to the feeling of going/coming home. The time here in the States have spun that fast that I have not had the chance to reflect on time. I guess the climate helped as it is 17 degrees Celsius in Palo Alto, California. Monday night I talked to my brothers wife and like I said then every day has been an adventure. I am living in a dream. I am like Alice in Wonderland and do not regret “taking the blue pill”.

I just cannot wait until I get home and can sit back in the family sofa. See the family… the feeling creates butterflies in my stomache.

Right now I am sitting on San Francisco International Airport waiting for a flight to Seattle. As airports are like teleports between different worlds, it is a place for reflection and consideration. You are leaving some place and going to another. A situation that often creates a mixed feeling.

It is now a bit more than three and a half month since I left Sweden. A lot has happened and I have met a lot of amazing people. The power of the Silicon Valley – the valley of miracles – is very much present. Some reflections on what has happened is in order I guess.

Today my friend Sam picked me up and drove me to the airport. It was a beautiful morning and I was filled with peace during the drive to the airport. Looking back to the late night September 3 when I arrived here in the “valley of miracles”, I can honestly say I had no idea about what the semester was going to turn into. My chats with my fellows have given me insight to a whole other world out there. When I left Sweden in September I was living in a “bubble” as Hernando de Soto is talking about in his book “The Mystery of Capital”. I first set foot on the Stanford Campus at noon September 4 and did not realise the power of the transition I was about to go through and still going through.

The first hectic weeks before the opening reception were an interesting and experience building time. The weekend after the program went to Asilomar to really start the program. The night walks, the looks at the sky filled with stars, but also the interesting conversations during the nights there was like a starting point to it all. Especially on a personal level things cleared and I remember one moment standing down at the beach listening to the ways coming in. A moment that liberated me beyond anything. After Asilomar began a great learning curve spiced up with meetings with a diversity of people to be finished off by an amazing last month.

Some people have influenced me more than others, yet I can honestly say most conversations during this time have given me insight to a variety of problems and aspects completely new to me, yet ever as appealing and interesting. More over I have gained perspective on things and realised the importance of different things in life. The world is far from black and white even though it is more convenient to think so. A truth ever as simple, yet very complex to fully grasp…

I sent an email to someone yesterday on this semester and my personal experiences of it. As I said in that email the extremes make people grow. I have gained experiences in many levels, and the feeling of flying away from the Bay Area is two-facetted. One is just feeling great about going home to friends and family; another is leaving persons that really have made an impression on me and grown fond of. I chatted the other day with a friend now in India and he shared the same feeling. I already miss the people here, especially some… It feels strange, yet nice.

I left Sweden with various thoughts and questions in my mind. Thoughts and questions that have cleared. I am happy, filled with peace and feel really good. It feels good to go home from Christmas and meet my friends and family. It also feels good to know that I am flying back to the “valley of miracles” and “the farm” in the beginning of January.

Before I left and during my time here I have been told to “stay Erik”. My perception of the world has changed, but I still am Erik from Sweden. I have grown, but the inner Erik remains.

It is so popular with lists these days so I thought I make one of the music highlights for myself too. This is the selection of today with some reflections.

1. Fix You, Coldplay
Summer of 2005
Writing thesis and solutions to a PhD course in Salabacke, Uppsala, the offsite trip to Asilomar, and the nightly walks during the same offsite. Sitting outside the reception taking pictures of a foot and looking at the stars…

2. Living Room, David Gray
Late December 2004 – January 2005
Staffan, love you, man. The beer nights at Katalin, Uppsala, with lots of Kilkenny, laughs and our “strange” discussions.

3. 20,000 Seconds, K’Choice
September 2001, Montpellier, France
Sitting on a plan with a "sad" mind from France back to Sweden thinking of the smell of Dolce & Gabbana perfume, crazy French drivers and the extremely loud bells of the Cathedral outside.

4. Dansa på min grav (Dance on my grave), Bo Kaspers orkester
Autumn of 2004
Squashing pear outside my parents house, crazy spinning sessions at Nautilus and the color of Swedish autumn.

5. You Oughta Know, Alanis Morissette
Spring 1996 (during my military service)
Sitting as fire watch during the nights in the field somewhere in Sweden with one earplug, the other constantly listening to “surprise attacks”. Eating my homemade buns.