At last it seems like there is a light at the end of the tunnel and the thesis will be finished. This Friday I printed the thesis and realised that it acctually keeps the argumentation together. For three weeks I have been buried in writing, simulations and just been locked inside the room really shutting everything else out.
Yesterday I went to the coast with my parents and realised I have not been in touch with the world lately. There is a World Championship in swimming, things are happening in the world all the time and especially I have no idea that I am really leaving the country for 9 months. This is especially one thing I realised after my mother asked me numerous questions and all was answered by "I do not know".
The really scary part is the last – leaving the country for 9 months. I have absolutely no idea what I am heading for, and according to me for the first time in my life I will be in collection of people that all of them really feels like extremely competent. The other day, I sat down and read their academic background and merits, and first I thought: "How come I ended up in this company?" That thing puzzled me for some weeks…
Just sitting down with my parents barbequeing (probably misspelled now) my mother said: "You are as competent as they are." She is right as usual (or at least in most cases). My personal motto is quite simple: "If somebody else have done it, you can too." Sometimes you just need to use that as a mantra to keep yourself going. The thing that scares people as well as me is the unknown. What we cannot understand seems to frighten us.
Everytime I feel like I do not have the guts to face something I think of just a short moment when I was about to go to the north of Sweden fishing with some friends of mine. My mother probably sensed some kind of anxiety from my part and just said in short: "Life is always about facing the unknown, but you have to face it." That moment was not as sentimental as the comment might seem, but it did come back time after the other. Looking back I do not know what I was afraid of, and that is the usual outcome. This can be summarized by my fathers mothers saying: "You always get disappointed by the unnecassary problems". Usually we spend to much time worrying about what to happen than seeing what acctually will happen.
Before Tom will tell me once again that I should try keep one topic in each blog item and not mix three or four topics. Some other not named persons will say I am rambling and I probably are. I just felt like letting you all know about the intricate little mind ghosts I have had. I really feel calm and things can acctually work out alright. The thesis will be as good as I like it to be and the time in California will be awesome. I have no idea what I have to face both academically and personally, but I will grow. That is for sure.